Friendship & Love

Recently I have been in a struggle between Love and Friendship. I had a friend ask me to do him a favor and I went overboard. I was wanting someone to love me back so much I screwed his relationship with his girlfriend, it was dumb I know, and I can say alot things to say as excuses but there really is not one, all I can hope for is that he can get his relationship back on track. What was I expecting you might wounder well what everybody wants someone to love them and become their soul mate, it is very stupid I wanted that kind of love since I was little. You can say that I never experience from my family or Friends so I reached out to the one person who ever made me happy, that was stupid and like I said I can only hope he can repair his relationship and in doing that screwed up I lost a friend the one friend I could talk to about anything and he never held back his opinions and always made Me think about my s choices.

I also had a friend lie to me then try to make me think I done something wrong, what the hell. She gave my phone number out to a dealer, my boyfriend answered the phone and flipped out I am already having trouble getting him out of my life this is only going to make it more difficult you would think that he would leave on the fact that are relationship is not really a relationship , but more of two people who are together under one roof. Then again I pay for everything why would he want to leave. I am so tired of the same argument over and over plus in my own home he basically runs the show my last attempt to get him to leave threats came out of his mouth the same ones I heard from my last husband common law any way Am I Worried bet your sweet ass but there are alot of people who wish he would. So life , death, friendship, love all mixed up in one mind my life.

Standstill

My life seems to have stood still for some time, you know when you want to do everything but nothing gets done.If I was a record skipping someone could just hip check me and move me forward, but there is no one like that.I have to get it going but maybe it is who is around me not that I can't get started just do not want make a fool of myself or be judged he always tells me what I do wrong but never what I do right, yet i basically run the bills and food. I mean he puts me down if I spend money on myself my money. what will I do I need a purpose in my life I used to with my cats and adoption and my dog but that's all done now what?? Everything is getting on my nerves I feel I am being streched to my limits in my mind and I am going to burst cabin fever maybe or just tired of the same thing everyday live with someone who juges me and fell alone anyways cannot even enter my kitchen he takes over does not like my cooking well maybe I will take control of food that I eat maybe I can control that. misws you mom

Make a thank you

Bird

I heard a bird singing this morning,
Nice little melody, it captured my attention,
like I never heard one before,
my eyes started to water
for no reason at all, well none that came to mind
right away,
but as the melody continued,
it struck me like a knife,
in my soul,
I was crying because it was,the first time,
that I was free,
of death creeping up on me,
I never was diagnosed with a decicese,
it was always because I thought,
I should die,
but all of a sudden and maybe,
not that sudden I,
came to realize that death,
was not the way but the light each day,
I see is the way along with all the melodies,
that life can bring,
I cried today,
and at the end I smiled,
and was glad that a new,
day has begun.

Shy's Thinking: Shy's Thinking

Shy's Thinking: Shy's Thinking

What A Week

I have had a hard week this and last week to tell the truth been sick with a cold not my first in the recent months, I was really concerned but the doctor believes he has the mystery sickness solved. This is it I have allergies which makes me sneeze and blocks my sinus and then I get a throat infection from the clog up. Sounds simple probably is but that was the easy part of being sick the hard part was that my boyfriend did not believe me would not go into work cause I was not there then decided to unload his shit onto me like it was all my faulty. makes you think what the hell am I going crazy too. anyway that's it nothing more to say on the subject except that I have alot to think about

Shy's Thinking: Behavior Of Humanity

Shy's Thinking: Depressed

\Somethings just seek up on aperson, one minute you laughing and the next minute you are trying to figure why certain things in life hit you alot harder then others like you take things personal when in reality nothing could be futher from the truth. I believe that it is events over time that make us depressed, some walk on us, some ingnore us, others talk behind your back but know eventually it wii be heard by you. So you have all this bad shit coming at you and the only way to balance it out with good shit comeing your way too, but what if people do not want any good news to come to you unless they bring especially why would someone do that easy they wish to control your life it will start slow and then gradually build up. When your friends tell you what they think you will tell him and here is where the magic happens,. He i9s nice to every sisgle one so right of the bat, your friends were wrong about him he is the greatest, but wait here it comes, Gossip about you that your friends have siad and that boyfriend comforts you while he lets you know they do not deserve you. Well the dramatic part you tell your friends your suspious, but they do not know what you are talking about, ah but you believe the just won't addmit the truth because they are jelous of you and your boyfriend and the love you share. At last it is just you and him. Hey I am going out with my friends straighten up whats wrong you your a mess god can't you do anything right slap there will be more if this shits not cleaned up to the way I showed you! The light hits your brain and your down for the count you have no one there is nothing so why do you get up. You don't you just move on away to somewhere where you can look in the mirrror and reconize someone you once knew